How to talk to your best employee before they start looking for a new job

The best results do not necessarily mean someone wants to stay

A manager sees a specialist who completes the toughest projects and never reports problems. He assumes she is satisfied. In reality, for months she has been fixing other people’s mistakes, has had no time for development and does not believe another promotion is possible. From the outside she looks like the backbone of the team; from her point of view, the company has become a place where she is constantly firefighting. A study by Nyberg covering 12,545 employees in the insurance sector analysed the relationships between performance, satisfaction and voluntary turnover. The author showed that pay changes and the state of the labour market also matter. This does not mean that every star already has one foot out of the door. It means that results and satisfaction levels alone are not enough to predict a future decision. A manager should also know the needs of people who rarely ask for help.

Stay interview: talk about what keeps someone before they leave

A conversation about staying with the company, known as a stay interview, is not a loyalty test. It should involve different questions from a periodic performance review. You can start with: “What is it about your work that makes you still want to do it here?” and “Which part of your day-to-day most often drains your energy?” Then: “What would you like to learn over the next six months?” and “What could I change as your manager?” In 2024, Warren and colleagues described a project in which conversations of this kind were held with nurses. The participants rated the process positively, but a local quality improvement project does not prove that such meetings automatically reduce staff turnover. A good conversation lets you understand why people stay before a crisis arises. For the conversation to be meaningful, the employee needs to see that the questions lead to real changes being considered, not to yet another survey.

Leaving is about connections, opportunities and the cost of change

In a meta-analysis of 65 independent samples covering 42,907 people, Jiang and colleagues studied job embeddedness: relationships, fit and what a person would lose by leaving. Stronger embeddedness was associated with a lower intention to leave and lower actual turnover, even after taking into account satisfaction and commitment to the organisation. The finding does not mean that it is worth keeping people by artificially increasing the cost of leaving. The practical point is different: employees stay not only for the salary, but also for the work itself, the team, a sense of purpose and opportunities to learn. If someone enjoys their job but cannot see the next step, the conversation should be about new responsibilities or a specialist career path. If what they value most is their colleagues, it is not wise to move them to another team without consultation under the guise of a reward. There is no single recipe for retention, even for people with similar results.

The best people are often overloaded because of their own effectiveness

When a difficult client comes along, the manager hands the account to the person who will “definitely cope”. When a colleague fails to finish a task, he asks the same person to come to the rescue. After a few months, being singled out comes down to more and more duties without any extra time, influence or support. The employee does not always protest: they do not want to let the team down, or they fear that saying no will damage their reputation. So in the conversation, ask not only whether the work is interesting, but how many tasks land on their desk because others cannot cope with them. It is worth reviewing their calendar and the number of projects rather than judging their workload by the look on their face. If the company cannot increase pay straight away, it can sometimes improve the division of work or free up time for development. The word “appreciate” only takes on meaning when the manager sees the true cost of relying too heavily on one person.

Don’t turn it into an interrogation along the lines of “Have you got an offer yet?”

Saying “I hear you’ve been talking to recruiters – tell me the truth” shifts the meeting from a conversation about work to policing someone’s private decisions. The employee may feel accused and say nothing useful. It is better to talk regularly, before there is any reason for suspicion. “I’d like to understand better what gives you satisfaction at the moment and what could be better. I’m not asking about any plans outside the company” is a safer opening. When an employee talks about a problem, the manager should ask about the situation rather than immediately defending the company. If the employee says they expect a pay rise, you should be honest about the process and when a decision will be made. If a promotion is not possible, you can look for a specialist role or a development project. A promise you cannot keep undermines trust more than a clear answer: “I can’t guarantee that today.”

After the conversation, you need a concrete change and a date for the next meeting

The conversation might end with three agreements: next month the specialist will be given time for training, two repetitive tasks will be handed over to others, and on a set date you will come back to the conversation about pay. Not every need will be possible to meet. What matters is that the employee knows what has been accepted, what requires a decision and why other expectations remain open. A manager should not record private confidences in a widely accessible system. In subsequent conversations, it is worth checking whether the agreed steps are bringing relief or merely shifting the problem elsewhere. If, despite everything, the employee chooses another offer, it does not automatically mean the manager has failed. You can build an honest, development-focused relationship without controlling all of the other person’s decisions. The purpose of such a meeting is to improve working conditions here and now, and the chance to act before disappointment becomes permanent.

It is worth asking your best people not only about their results, but also about the conditions that make them want to keep working for you. A conversation about staying is not a hunt for an exit plan. Its value is visible in what happens after the meeting: a fair division of work, development opportunities and keeping to specific agreements.

How Empatyzer helps you prepare a conversation with a key employee

A manager knows that for several months his best specialist has been taking on difficult tasks, but she has not asked for a promotion. He wants to talk to her before the extra workload becomes a reason for leaving. He describes to Em their working relationship so far, observable examples and the purpose of the meeting: to find out what she values, what is overloading her and what can be changed. Em helps him put together open questions and practise how to respond to the answer “I don’t see any development here.” The available collaboration tips can suggest how this person prefers to talk about recognition and development, while respecting the privacy of her answers. He can also prepare a response for when her financial expectations turn out to exceed his authority. After the conversation, Em will help him draw up a short list of commitments and dates for follow-up conversations. Micro-lessons help build the habit of regular one-to-one conversations. As a result, the manager’s attention does not come only when a resignation letter lands on the desk.